All of it and none of it mattered.

The fragility of life is often missed in our haste to speak, be heard, and be loved. When you are suddenly reminded of the eternal loss you feel when someone you loves spirit leaves their body you pause your pushing, your resistance, and the show that you have been performing daily to be applauded as the something that you think you should be.

Death, loss, grief, and mourning grip you so tightly that nothing, none of it matters. Losing love, losing connection to someone you loved so much, changes everything.

The bonds to the life you have lived are broken. Each dawn brings its own challenge, each breath its own new depth of pain.

Hard becomes soft, fast becomes slow, care becomes disregard, light becomes dark. Voices fade into quieted mumbles and the vastness of grief becomes the loudest thought that consumes every moment awake or asleep.

We lose sight of how fragile life really is and how careless we become with it when we are performing for all those who never will or never did matter.

There is a quietness that overwhelms you in grief. A deep desire to withdraw from the very thing you are mourning. The illusion of hope is shattered as days roll one from the next, you enter a void of politely smiling and nodding your head to dispel any conversation that might be required.

Memories flood the air that fills each room, your numbness warns others not to ask and the fragility of life is remembered a million times in each breath you take.

Life is about love and yet the grief of loss is as seemingly endless as the love itself. We don’t talk about love and loss, only the prettiness of the picture is shared.

We should talk more about loss. It hardly seems fair to sell the experience of a great love story without sharing the complete picture. Without telling people that they will grieve as much as they loved.

That the beauty of love is equally matched by the wretchedness of grief. That you will be left with only memories you can watch but not touch.

That your silent screams and rivers of tears will be met with the empty space that grief holds you in. That forward becomes backward, food sours in your mouth, and sunshine hurts your heart more than the solus of darkened grey skies.

All of it and none of it mattered, you are alone with the reel that was love playing over and over again. All of it and none of it mattered devoid, bereft of connection from someone whose love filled your soul.

All of it and none of it mattered now your spirit has left your body and all I can hold is goodbye.